Star Wars Fan Uncategorized

Star Wars, You’re Breaking my Heart (Spoilers)

Warning. This post contains serious spoilers pertaining to Star Wars Episode VII. Continue at your own risk.

Taken by surprise

I walked out of the theater tonight in disbelief. The excitement of Star Wars: The Force Awakens lost in a flash of red. A man close to my heart, perhaps closer than even my father, ceasing to exist. It was a run of the mill mission. Destroy the equipment and stop the super-weapon. Not all the heroes made it.

My hero didn’t make it.

I choked on the lump in my throat for the rest of the film.

My hero is dead.

Just like that

I’m home now. My son, who attended the movie with me is in bed. Just another sci-fi movie to him. I’m shaking. Weak. Empty. Powerless. I’m holding my Han Solo action figure. Tears are in my eyes, the image of a once immortal character crippled and falling into a void. All of my memories of my hero, falling into a fucking hole.

Pilot, smuggler, war hero. A man who survived the impossible odds. A man I adored since I was old enough to differentiate between Episode IV and Spaceballs. A man who until two hours ago lived eternally as an unbeatable young rogue in my childhood memories, is gone.

Just like that.

Goodbye, my hero

My Han Solo action figure; cool plastic in my hand. I feel like it’s broken. Looking into that hand painted face, I don’t see a smooth talking fly boy anymore. I see an old man, beaten by the years and weathered by hardship. I see so much left unresolved. I see Leia, heavy-hearted, carrying on with the mission. I walk to the bathroom to dry my eyes and in the mirror, see a little boy who has grown up. I see a man who has to say good-bye to his childhood hero.

Goodbye Han Solo, my hero. I will miss you,

Abrams, you’re breaking my heart.

All aboard!

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  • Bo Bigelow

    Dude. I’m with you. I saw it in Westbrook with my son. We were inconsolable on the drive home. I heard whoops of joy from the kid throughout the movie–at the space battles, the lightsaber duels, everything–only for him to go silent when Han died. We both did.
    We had tickets for the next showing too, but our hearts weren’t in it. We got refunds and went home.
    You’re so right — Han’s always been the hero. I can’t believe he’s gone.

    • I’m aware of the term ‘childhood destroyed’, but I never thought I would actually experience a moment when the term applied. Yesterdays viewing was it. I am grieving. Does that sound silly? I mean, I’ve felt sad when fictional characters died, but this is much more than that. I feel like I have lost a part of me.

      • Bo Bigelow

        Not silly at all. I was a hot mess last night after seeing it. Still am. In the movie I couldn’t believe that you see Chewie grieving for, like, two seconds, and then he hops aboard the Falcon, with Rey at his side, as if nothing’s happened.